Not so long ago, folks used to brand a guy as gay simply if he had a sashay in his gait, or a soft handshake, or a preference for pink shirts. This kind of prejudicial stereotyping is finally going the way of the dodo bird.
We now know that tracking gay proclivities requires a more sophisticated approach and involves tracking different kinds of tendencies:
For example, if the gentleman in question is a manly mountain state conservative politician who regularly denounces godless homosexuality — there’s a good chance he is gay.
If the gentleman in question is a congressman who continually sponsors bills to declare that marriage can only be between a man and a woman — there’s a good chance he is gay.
If the gentleman in question is a noisy, raspy minister who preaches family values and calls America a modern Sodom and Gomorrah — there’s a good chance he is gay.
Recent evidence for this hypothesis has been manifested by remarkable fellows like: Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Rev. Ted Haggard… and many more. Consider these recent headlines:
- “Rev. Haggard Resigns After Sex With Gay Prostitute”
- “U.S. Rep. Foley Sought Sex With Male Pages”
- “GOP’s Craig Busted In Bathroom Sex Caper”
It’s the hypocrisy of these fellows, rather than the lurid details of their behavior, that makes their stories so intriguing. Their hypocrisy casts a veil of suspicion over all “well-meaning” homophobic politicians and religious leaders. If they protest gays too much — will we suspect they are gay?
Come out of the water closet.